psytractor

Just for the moment at least…. Oxfordshire is celebrating it’s 1000th (!) birthday this year and this was cause for setting Oxford on fire apparently – well some of it. At first the wired displays seemed a little bit lame (especially given my Las Fallas experience in Valencia) but the whole spectacle grew on me after a while. It was kind of mesmerising but maybe that was just that staring at fire thing. Was certainly weird to see fire burning amongst all the historic buildings in town, e.g. Sheldonian Theatre.

There is a great international documentary filmfest running here in Oxford at the moment. We saw a couple of them this afternoon – ‘Remembering Rain’ about drought-affected Australian farmland and the people there, and ‘Invisible’which was about the threat to the Inuit way of life caused by chemicals in the seafood they eat. The Artic Inuit in the film apparently have 7 times the level of PCBs in their breastmilk than people anywhere else, despite their isolated location.

The director of Remembering Rain was also on-hand after the film to speak a little about the film and answer questions – pretty cool.

So it’s been a while. We’ve relocated and are now back in sunny England. Perhaps this is a little sad, but I’m afraid my first post from these fair shores is not going to be a shout out to friends and loved ones, like it should be, but instead a bit of a venting session after our latest experience with the British service industry – in this case the mobile phone pimps.

Number one – Phone Enquiry

Hi, I’ve seen you have model X in pink on your website. Do you have it in the brown too?

Voice: We only have it in the pink.

Oh, ok.

Voice: But its actually the same phone, just a different colour.

Um yes.

Voice: So can we put you down for it right? Now what’s your address?

Actually, no thanks.

Voice: But its actually the same phone, just a different colour.

Exactly. Goodbye.

–

Number two – Shop Salesman

Hi do you have model X in the brown colour, rather than the pink?

Salesman: No. That was an older model. They don’t make it any more.

Ur, I don’t think that’s quite right.

Salesman: It doesn’t have an mp3 player or 2megapixel camera or a …

Ur, I don’t think that’s right at all. See, I have one here in my pocket. We just want to get another one.

Salesman: (Shocked) Ur, but it doesn’t have extendible memory um

Now that’s definitely not right. See …

Salesman: Ur (Gives “Aha you’ve exposed me for the fool I am” look)

Goodbye

–

Number three – Shop 2 Salesman

Hi do you have model X in the brown colour?

Salesman: Sure. Come this way and we’ll work out the right call plan for you …

Great.

(1 hour later …)

Salesman: No, no it seems the credit check still doesn’t go through even though you’ve now given me a landline bill, credit card, debit card, rental contract, two pints of blood and swore your allegiance to the Queen and each of her Corgies. It seems the address for your bank card doesn’t match the one you’ve given us.

Gee, that’s strange since it is the address on the statement I just received from the bank yesterday. But hey, I’m a good sport I’ll head over to the bank and ask them to confirm….

(1.5 hours …)

Yep, the bank confirms that my address is correct. Here is a statement on their letterhead confirming this is the case.

(2 hours …)

Salesman: OK, now we’re all the way through we just need to take a £100 bond since you’re a foreign national.

What? Um, OK. That’s sounds a little like discrimination but hey we’ve taken 2 hours out of our (working) days to sort this out so what the hell. Knock yourself out.

Salesman: Oh right- now they are saying that your credit card doesn’t match the address of your phone bill.

But we’ve just shown you and told you that the bank says it does!

…

Salesman: I’m sorry it is declined again. Oh and by the way you now both have had your credit ratings decreased because of these failed checks.

You have got to be fucking kidding me fulla. We’ve spent 2.5 hours in here and on top of not giving either of two people, with 15 truckloads of documentation, a phone you’re telling me you’ve also permanently damaged both our credit ratings??!

Salesman: Ur yeah, But there was nothing I could do. Seriously – tell me what more could I have done?

How about telling us that what these failed checks were doing for starters.

Salesman: Um, shall I get my manager?

Sure, why not?

Phil: Hello. I’m the manager, Phil.

Salesman: (explains situation) … so there was nothing I could have done was there Phil?

Phil: no. no (taking pleasure in this it would seem)

Salesman: So you see… (Phil unexplicably just wanders off)

But … you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Where is the camera? Now, come on!

Salesman: Ur, um.

Us (turning and leaving): Un – f u c k i n g – believable!

—

So yeah, we sure had a fun afternoon. Breathe! Breathe … ah, there we go – I knew that meditation would come in handy at some point